The Emperor’s New Clothes

I’m far too old to go Back to School shopping. Well, I should be, but the sales, the sales were calling to me. Since none of my clothes fit I had to brave the mall and the tax free weekend and get some sassy new outfits. And by outfits I mean jeans. I don’t accessorize. Ok, I did eventually end up at Target to buy dozens of pairs of clean white socks (they’ll never look that way again), underwear rolled up tightly like little burritos (they’ll for sure never look that way again!) and short sleeve shirts (those may actually look like that for awhile). With all these new clothes I will be the belle of the ball!

Shopping for jeans is clearly where men’s and women’s clothes differ. We, men are clearly not capable of shopping alone. But if we have to, our clothes must be clearly marked and labeled and the size must be prominently displayed so we know what we’re getting. But unlike women’s clothes, our measuring system makes sense.

Pants are measured in inches. Period. End of story. It may be humbling to know that your waist is longer than you leg, but that will be clearly marked on the pants and you can buy them anyway. I’m not sure what system the women are using, but size 8 or 12 or 6 means nothing to me. Eight what?

But I am now down to a size 32 waist (down from 36 at the beginning of the year). Donna felt I needed to try on multiple pairs to get the right look and feel. I laughed at such foolishness. In my mind, you only need to try on two pairs, if that; one to check the waist, one to check the length. And no, you don’t need to look in the mirror, that just slows things down.

In mere moments in the fitting room I had determined everything I needed to know about length and waist and then proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes rummaging through piles of denim looking for that combination. Either they had been picked over or I fall into some creepy waste/leg combination. However, I did prevail and grabbed multiple pairs of jeans for half price, navigated through surly crowds and escaped the mall without getting drawn into every sale known to man.

Other Articles of Interest:

Leave a Reply